Supergirl

Wow, wow, wow. This is one of the worst of the worst. Which is shocking because it has an excellent cast: Faye Dunaway, Helen Slater, Peter Cook, Mia Farrow, Peter O'Toole, Maureen Teefy (from Fame), Hart Bochner, Brenda Vaccaro. And guess what? They all suck. Every last one of them. It's amazing. How is that even possible?

Anyway, Supergirl gets in a sphere that will take her from inner space to outer space. She's following a much smaller sphere, which supplies the power to their planet and which flew out the window. Anyway, the large sphere also miraculously contains a supergirl outfit - because she's wearing plain clothes when she gets in, but has on her superhero outfit when she gets out. This is also interesting, considering that Peter O'Toole built the sphere and was intending to leave in it himself. So clearly Peter O'Toole's character is a transvestite, because the costume includes a bright red skirt. Sexy.

Of course, when Supergirl arrives on Earth, she completely forgets about the little sphere, and instead flies around, picking flowers and whatnot. It doesn't matter, since Mia Farrow clearly stated that their world would be destroyed within two days anyway.

The first person she meets says, "You're Superman's best friend, huh?"
She responds, "No. His cousin."
Now wait a moment. How would she know that Kal-El was called Superman on Earth? And just where did she come from anyway? All we know is it's some city that Peter O'Toole's character created. And that it's in inner space, whatever that's supposed to mean. But this city isn't on Krypton, is it? Or is it? Well, whatever.

Supergirl's special abilities include being able to change her wardrobe and her hair color instantly. Oooh, what magic. So she disguises herself as a school girl with the name Linda Lee and becomes Lois Lane's sister's roommate. Why? Who the fuck knows?

Faye Dunaway plays a witch who of course finds the little sphere. So she's bent on achieving world domination...or in obtaining the affection of some landscaping guy. Two lofty goals.

So what's good about this movie? Very little. It does make fun of Jehovah's Witnesses, which is nice. One of the best things about this film is that Jimmy Olsen is played by Marc McClure, who also played Jimmy in the four Christopher Reeve Superman films.

Apart from that, there is a Howard Jones song in the movie. That's cool. And there's a romantic overnight trip on a bumper car. (Wait, no, that's no good - that's one of the stupid things that makes no sense. So scratch that one.) Some of it takes place in the Phantom Zone, which we've often heard about. But guess what? The Phantom Zone is lame. Just like everything else in the film.

But Helen Slater does look hot. So there's that.