Bloodthirst 2: Revenge Of The Chupacabras

This movie makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. There is a monster, a kidnaping, a mental hospital, a corrupt doctor, and a priest who missed breakfast. You try to figure it out.

The doctor at the mental hospital says to the cop, "But some of our patients here do make strange noises. And some of them think they're being hurt even when they're not." Ah, those rare instances when the patients aren't being tortured by the doctors.

There is a scene where an escaped mental patient talks to a key he finds hanging on a tree. Then he goes to a barn to sleep, but finds there's a lock on the barn door. "That's strange," he says. I guess where he lives all barns are left open. So he goes back to the woods, because of course that key opens the lock. What? Don't worry about it. There's a monster in the barn, of course.

Okay, if you do decide to watch this film, make sure you watch the scene where the girl is decapitated, but watch it in slow motion. The filmmakers took out her head digitally, but her hair is long, so her hair that's over her shoulders is still there even when her head is gone. It's hilarious. (And that's really the one good thing about the movie.)

This movie also has some of the worst dialogue. A guy who is attached to some electroshock machine says this: "Why do you think I would rather throw in with the two thugs you hired to carry out the kidnaping than with you, who came up with the idea in the first place?" He's a hospital employee, by the way, and he's talking to the doctor. Why did the doctor have a girl kidnaped? Who knows?

A half hour into the film we get a flashback to nine hours earlier, with people talking about a monster in the river. Laurie is a student doing a project on monsters, and then she's kidnaped. Then the cops check out the mine, which doesn't make sense because the cops didn't learn about the mine until nine hours later from the mental patient - but whatever. And wait, how would a mental patient know about a kidnaping that happened only nine hours ago?

There's also a long scene about how a priest missed breakfast. Important stuff. And where's the bloody monster? Actually, the filmmakers are wise not to show it that often, because when it is visible, it's laughable.

By the way, this movie has the worst score ever in a film. Seriously. The worst. It's worse even than that in Eyes Wide Shut.