Thursday, August 5, 2010

Absolute Zero

There really isn't anything good about the film Absolute Zero, which stars Jeff Fahey and Erika Eleniak and was directed by Robert Lee. It is probably the most ridiculous and stupid movie i've ever seen (and that's saying something).

The Earth's polarity is changing, and so that means an ice age for Miami. When they figure it out, there are only four hours until the temperature reaches absolute zero (which by the way is -459 degrees Fahrenheit). For some reason, a few of them figure they can ride out the ice age in their lab. How are they safe in the lab? No explanation. But also, they don't even get into the lab until the last possible second. So apparently the temperature is pretty safe, and then at the very last second it just drops several hundred degrees.

And then a few minutes later a helicopter flies by to rescue them. Huh?

But there are some laughs along the way. There is this amazing bit of dialogue:

DUMB WOMAN: "There's this whole period of Argentinian art, rather dark, from about 10,000 years ago that all showed the sun falling from the sky."
DUMB MAN: "The Argentinian findings."

And this:
DUMB BOY: "You guys are running too fast."
DUMB GIRL: "You're slow."
DUMB BOY: "You're slow."

Also, approximately fifteen minutes after her father is killed, DUMB LITTLE GIRL says, "I miss him." And her mother, DUMB WOMAN, says, "So do I." (By the way, it's not until four minutes before absolute zero, that DUMB LITTLE GIRL finally puts on a winter coat.)

But the biggest laugh comes when a helicopter crashes into the building (not the helicopter that rescues them at the end, obviously). The two actors inside the building throw up their arms slowly and continue walking - that's their reaction to the building shaking. It's so silly looking - i laughed so hard that i farted.

For a movie that takes place on the beach, there is no nudity. And for a movie that is about a new ice age, there are no women in fur coats. What's up with that?

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