Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Decoys 2: Alien Seduction (2007)

It's October, which means it's horror movie month for me. And that means a lot of bad movies.  First up: Decoys 2: Alien Seduction.  And yes, that's the title that comes up on the screen when you watch it, though the title on the DVD case is Decoys: The Second Seduction.  Neither title is very good. But who cares?  It's a sequel to Decoys (2004), a movie I actually really enjoyed (though that one wasn't all that great either - read my Good Things About Bad Movies review of that one here).  If you recall, in that first movie aliens disguised themselves as sexy human women in order to mate with young men to save their species (reminding me more than a bit of the film Species). However, in the process, the men would freeze to death from the inside.

Now the aliens are back, and on another college campus.  Sam and Stephanie are friends at the college, and have known each other since they were young.  In fact, a lot of these people have known each other for a long time (I guess they're all in-state students).  Like all films that take place on college campuses, there is lots of talk about sex, but in this series it actually makes sense, as it's part of the plot.

Luke (the one guy to survive the first film somehow) is back as a grad student helping out a class taught by Professor Erwin Buckton (Tobin Bell), in which Sam and Stephanie are students.  Luke spends most of his time drawing pictures of the aliens.  He goes to see a psychiatrist, mostly in order to give the audience all the information they would have learned from the first one, and to explain (sort of) how he survived. He tells his psychiatrist  (played by the sexy Dina Meyer) that he woke up in the hospital, after being attacked by his female friend who turned out to be an alien (which, as I recall, didn't really make any sense). He now thinks he's seeing these women again.

Sadly, a lot of this film focuses on four college boys who are ranking the female students on the computer (is this the beginning of Facebook?), and engaging in some stupid contest to see how many girls they could score with.  You pretty much want all these guys to die, and soon.  They say shit like, "Game on."  But the girls are equally vacant and annoying.  And there is an awful montage as word spreads about this stupid contest, and every stupid guy wants to get in on it.  This isn't how I remember college at all.  I remember there being quite a bit of work involved. The only important thing from all of this is that they have to document any conquest using their cell phones. So that's how they'll get evidence of the aliens eventually (not that they actually do anything with that evidence).

The three blond aliens are watching Luke closely, because he's the only one who survived, and so he might be the key to their race's survival.  That's actually an interesting plot point, if only the filmmakers had done something with it.  Instead, the blondes are trying to score with whatever other men they come across.  One of them comes on to the nerdiest of the four guys, but he freaks out and shouts, "I'm a virgin," and runs away.

Dr. Constance Snowden (Kim Poirier), the head blond alien, shows up to talk to the professor, and she claims to be Luke's psychiatrist. She's not at all believable as a psychiatrist, of course. She's too young, and uses poor grammar: "Keep this conversation just between you and I."  Ouch.

Somehow the aliens are able to read the fantasies of the men and change their wardrobe to fit the fantasy. How?  Well, later Luke warns Sam that they can hypnotize you, so not to look them in the eye. Well, that would make sense if only the one guy saw the fantasy realized.  But the others see it on the cell phone.  So, no dice, film.  The girl reads a guy's mind, then takes off her coat, only to reveal the fantasy wardrobe beneath.  That wouldn't work for me, because the coat is the fantasy outfit for me. Would they take off a light jacket to reveal a full-length red fox coat beneath?

But if they can make themselves look human, I suppose it would stand to reason that they could change their outfits on a whim, assuming that the outfit is actually part of their skin or genetic makeup.  Or is it all an illusion?  And if it's all an illusion, would the illusion work on video?  I don't know.

Anyway, this film really lacks momentum.  We don't care much about any of these characters, mostly because of the stupid contest.  And it has an awful score - like the cheesiest television program you can think of.  And, guess what, the film's climax takes place in "the old morgue" in the basement of the hospital.  No one ever goes down there, we're told.  It's a good thing every hospital in horror movie land has an old morgue in a basement that's not used at all, but still has all the equipment in perfect working order.

Still, this movie is kind of fun. And it never takes itself too seriously.  Not even at the end, when there is a card that reads, "The End."  And then, "Maybe..."  Uh-oh.

Decoys 2: Alien Seduction stars Corey Sevier, Tyler Johnston, Kailin See, Kim Poirier, Dina Meyer and Tobin Bell. It was directed by Jeffery Lando. (And no, Lando's not a system; he's a man.)

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