Monday, October 22, 2012

Bounty Huntress: Undercover (2001)

Let me just tell you straight away that the photo on the box has nothing whatsoever to do with the actual movie. Also, the title is a bit misleading, in that there is no bounty huntress (or hunter, for that matter) in the film.

The movie starts with Rebecca Carter (Chloe Nicholle) walking around her home in sexy red lingerie to cheesy music.  She herself is a sexy redhead, and in a movie that's full of nude women, she is the one that is truly attractive. Anyway, a dorky guy in a suit suddenly appears. She kisses him, prompting him to say, "Oh, it appears you missed me." And they start to make love as the awful music continues.

Meanwhile a blonde named Amanda comes up the stairs to get Rebecca because the police are downstairs. The question is, Which is the worse actor - the guy or the blonde? My vote is for the blonde, but the election could go either way.  Anyway, it turns out that Rebecca is a whore, and the guy is a client.  The cop takes her the station, and on her way there, we get this bit of voice over: "You think you have it all under control. You have it all figured out. You're winning the game. Then the cards change just like that."  Yes, because when you're a prostitute clearly everything has worked out just as you planned.

The movie then quickly cuts to another blonde fucking a guy to music that is bad, but not as bad as the stuff that came before.  They get a phone call, and we see a montage of the two of them getting dressed.  Very exciting stuff, and the point of it is that it leads to them putting on their badges. Oooh, they're cops!  Cops have sex!  With each other!

The male cop, Steve, arrives at the station to tell Rebecca that she's in trouble. He says stuff like, "Cat got your tongue or are you just shy?"  Get it? Because a whore isn't generally shy.  He's making a joke there.  Steve mentions Victor Davis, so we have a flashback to Rebecca dressed in black kissing Victor. In two seconds Rebecca is naked, making it impossible to hate this movie.  Then back in the present, Steve tells her they've been chasing Victor for years, and is surprised she doesn't know about Victor's drug smuggling operation. Steve convinces her to allow them to set up surveillance in her brothel (yes, he calls it a brothel).

Steve then has to remind Samantha (the female cop) that whores "are people, Sam, just like you and me." She disagrees.  Oooh, conflict.  He tells her this is a case of a lifetime.  Really?  Apparently there is a shortage of whores and drugs in the world of this film.

By the way, the woman playing Samantha (Nicole Hilbig) makes the guy and the blonde from the first scene look like amazing actors by comparison. Also, she is seriously unattractive. Certainly her shitty acting doesn't help in that regard. She is constantly pouting and sighing. I kind of want to punch her in the face.

By the way, the surveillance doesn't make sense. Steve doesn't tell Rebecca to try to get Victor to talk about drug smuggling or anything. The surveillance photos we see are 8x10 headshot-type photos of the girls. Then Rebecca takes a bath. The film keeps cutting back to Steve's face, because Rebecca is fantasizing about him apparently. Also, she has lit like a dozen candles. It is my understanding that all prostitutes do that before taking a bath.  The movie, to be fair, then takes us to Steve, who is dreaming of Rebecca.  True love is beautiful.

The next day the two cops arrive to set up the surveillance equipment. Wait a minute, if they haven't set up yet, where did those photos come from? Well, no matter. They decide to put audio recording devices in all the rooms, and video in only two rooms. Then for some reason we get a montage of them unpacking and setting up the equipment. This is only a 71-minute movie, and yet there is all sorts of unnecessary horseshit in it. And check out the dance beats during the montage. Ouch.  This is when I really began wondering why the film is called Bounty Huntress.

Steve tells Rebecca that Samantha is a little conservative.  That's fine, except that we were introduced to her character in a sex scene. Is that any way to introduce someone who is uptight and conservative?  Well, not if the movie's writer has any idea of character development. Sorry, Steve Martel, screenwriter.

Samantha then watches two people having sex on the monitor (neither of whom is Victor - so why is she watching?). Anyway, she repeatedly looks at her own breasts and then makes a disgusted face. I'm not at all sure just what this poor actor is trying to convey. At first I thought she was upset that her breasts are too small, but that doesn't seem to be it.  Two other whores arrive and model lingerie for each other.  And then Samantha masturbates while watching another couple fuck. Rebecca catches her.

Even though they set up video cameras in only two rooms, Samantha is able to watch Rebecca leaving by the front door on her monitor.  The longer the film goes on, the more I despise the actor playing Samantha.  She can't deliver a single line properly. Every time she speaks I am filled with rage. Who hired this silly bitch?  It would be one thing if she were sexy. But she's not.  Not at all.  Steve wises up and fucks Rebecca rather than his partner.  And then his partner joins one of the whores for a threesome.  For some reason, we don't get to see the sex scene, just the moment before it and the moment after it.  In the moment after it, Samantha tells the whore, "I had no idea that what you do is so much fun."  Sshh, don't say that out loud, or soon every woman will turn pro.  And where will that leave broke guys like me?

Anyway, Rebecca finally warns Victor about the cops, but it doesn't matter.  They arrest him (and Rebecca too).  And sadly, Steve stays with Samantha, who has decided to become a part-time prostitute when not working as a police officer.  And that's how the film ends.

Bounty Huntress: Undercover stars Chloe Nicholle, Nicole Hilbig, John Donavan, Burke Morgan and Nikki Steele.  It was directed by Eric Gibson.

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