Thursday, August 11, 2011

Domino (2005)

I had heard that Domino was bad. I heard it was really bad. So I thought I was prepared. But no, this isn't just a bad movie. It's an obnoxious, irritating and pointless pile of garbage. I want to rub Tony Scott's nose in this film, and hit him with a rolled up newspaper. This movie is worse than Showgirls, worse than Black Dahlia, worse than Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. We're in BAPs territory here.

Rarely is a film this irritatingly bad - so awful that everyone responsible for it deserves a painful death. Seriously. I mean everyone involved - assistant directors, craft service people, the drivers, everyone. Or at least some serious jail time. Tony Scott should be gang-raped in a prison shower. (I'm not kidding.)

The plot? I don't know. Something about a dumb bounty hunter named Domino telling her story to an FBI agent played by the lousy Lucy Liu. And so everything is in flashback, and lines are repeated over and over - not that any of them were interesting the first time around. Images are repeated too. As you watch the movie, you feel like you're actually watching it two or three times through, and that is infuriating because it's not worth sitting through even once. Anyway, there is some stolen money. And a reality show. And an extended scene with Jerry Springer for some reason. And a pointlessly severed arm. (The reason for its being severed is so horribly contrived and stupid that Richard Kelly, the screenwriter, should be forced to submit to dangerous experimental medical tests to redeem himself.) And then at the end of the film they edit in the climactic gun fight from True Romance. Seriously. Watch carefully - that's actually Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette at the end. Pretty sure, anyway.

What's good about it? Nothing. And I mean nothing. Not a single moment, not a single shot, not a single line of dialogue is worth a damn. There is nothing the least bit interesting about this film. It's like the whole movie was an experiment to see what an audience would put up with. Every shot is irritating. Every character is irritating. The whole thing is so contrived and so full of itself. It's like a violent retarded child that you intentionally leave at the park in the hope that someone else will take it in, but no one does, and it keeps showing up at your door demanding attention. Put it down and move on.

1 comment:

  1. You forgot that even Tom Waits comes off terribly.

    And this is WAAAY worse than B.A.P.S.

    I still maintain that the one good thing is seeing Kiera Knightly topless.